Sunday, February 3, 2013

risky things.

I've never really been a risk taker.

I like to know the outcome of what I'm doing before I do it. I like to feel safe and comfortable, something that probably everyone likes to feel. I didn't even like roller coasters until I was in 8th grade because I would just worry so much that something was going to happen while I was on the ride. But then I finally submitted to peer pressure and guess what? I now love roller coasters!

Doesn't that always seem to happen? We worry so much about the smallest things and 99% of the time, it turns out okay. It may not turn out the way we expected, but its almost always okay. I feel like I've shared this 18 million times on this blog, but when I went to Australia a couple years ago, we had the opportunity to go bungee jumping. As I said, I'm not a risk taker, so this activity didn't entice me. When it was time to go, I decided I would just go along to watch everyone else do it. To my surprise and utter terror, my dad signed me up to go without me knowing. And it was already paid for, so no backing out now! Thanks padre, what a gem.

I still remember the butterflies I had in my stomach that whole morning. Once I had it in my head that I was officially going,  I decided that I had to go first, because I didn't want to watch anyone else do it with all these worries in my head. We walked up the tower, which seemed to take forever. The whole time they were rigging us up to everything I was still nervous but getting a little more comfortable with it. I thought I was ready.

Then we walked to the edge of the platform. All of those "I'm totally ready to rock this!" feelings went right out the window and out came the tears. Yes, I'm not ashamed to say that I cried before I jumped.

Because guess what?

I jumped!

It was the most terrifying moment in my life, but I don't think I've ever felt more alive. I conquered something head-on, and it was so incredibly worth it that I still look to this seemingly insignificant event  as a huge moment for me. I jumped! I didn't want to, and I was so scared and worried and emotional, but I did it anyway.

I'm trying really hard to make 2013 a good year for me. I'm trying to go after things that, for whatever reason, I've been really scared to go after. Finishing school terrifies me because being in school makes me feel safe. Making new friends terrifies me because I'm worried people won't like me. The thought of dating is really stressful to me because I don't open myself up to many people at all.

But I feel like I'm somewhat ready to start taking these risks. And even if I'm not, I know from this crazy Australian bungee experience that sometimes the things you are most scared of turn out to be the most worthwhile moments.

Onward to more risky business!

1 comment:

The ORR Family said...

Amen sister. Amen. Way to go Leeda. Good luck!