Sunday, May 2, 2010

i need this.

Doesn't this just look like heaven? Can I go here right now? I need a break. I need a break from school... which, thank goodness, is happening. I need a break from work, even though I love it. I need a break from responsibility and worrying and thinking and just growing up. I'm gonna be 22 next month and I feel like I'm still the same little girl who wants to do everything and nothing has no idea how to do/not do it. Except I'm getting older everyday. You know what I've realized lately? I'm really hate making decisions. Especially life-changing ones. Let me clarify: I'm in the middle of a pretty big decision right now. The good thing is that I'm unbelievably blessed and whichever path I choose, I know I'll be fine. But that's a double-edged sword because there's really no wrong or right decision, and that makes it even more hard to choose. It's so stressful. Sometimes I wish someone could just knock me on the head and tell me what to do. But isn't that the beauty of life? The fact that we GET to choose? Aren't we lucky that we have a say in what direction our lives will take? I often have to remind myself how lucky I am that I GET to go to school and be educated and that I GET to have a job that I love and that I GET to decide what career I want to eventually have. Even though it's sometimes such a burden and I can't sleep at night because I worry about what to do, it's all up to me. That's pretty amazing, right?
I'm so lucky to have parents that put up with me. I can't even count how many times I've changed my mind about what I want to do with my life and where I want to go. They've been so patient with me. They've realized that it's gonna take me a little but longer than most to get myself together. Mom & Dad, I promise I'm gonna graduate college... someday. Just bear with me :)))
Basically what I'm trying to say is, life is crazy. But we already knew that. I'm so glad I can go to my knees and get the comfort I need, whenever I need it. Decisions are hard, but they're there for a reason. I'm stressed. I'm worried. But I'm happy! Either way I go, my life will still be amazing and I'll still be able to do the things I want to. I'm just lucky.
And after all this, I'm going on a vacation. Where I won't have to do anything and the only decision I'll have to make is whether or not to have that second pina colada.

PS sorry this was all over the place.
PPS picture from here

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