Saturday, May 30, 2009

peter pan complex.

So life has been pretty good to me lately. Pretty routine, pretty uneventful, but... good. The weird thing is, I feel kind of settled, while it seems like everyone else is moving on to bigger and better things. Weddings, graduations, grad school, real jobs. And here I am, just bumming at home and teaching swimming lessons... and content. Is that wrong? Because sometimes I feel like I should be doing more with my life, like a cool internship or study abroad or something. Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying my simple life. I feel like this is the last time in my life that I'll be able to live at home and hang out with my family and work in a non-stressful job that I actually enjoy doing. Soon, it'll be time to grow up. And I just don't want to! Call me Peter Pan or something. Unlike a lot of other people my age, I'm not really looking forward to graduating and entering "the real world". Well, the being done with school part I will love. But the whole real responsibility/real budgeting/real life thing just scares me. I like being on my own time, doing what I want to do, not what someone else wants me to do. It's kind of the perfect blend of independence and dependence. I love my mom making me dinner, but I love being able to go out to eat with my girlfriends. I love spending time with boots, but I love the time in the morning when no one is around and I can chill by myself. This time, this moment in my life, right now, is perfection for me, really. So call me crazy, but I like this slower pace that I've set for myself. I really want to appreciate these last few weeks of it, before heading back to Utah and returning to life as it was before. Until then, I'm refusing to grow up, and I like it.

1 comment:

Janae' said...

I will call you "wise". Is so rare that anyone is happy in the moment. They are either looking back and saying I was so happy then... or looking forward and saying I'll be happy when. Good for you for saying...I am happy right now this moment.

Love it!

Love you!